Last Saturday night, my sister-in-law told me that my mother was going back to HK the next day. I was shocked and asked for reason, she said because grandpa was seriously ill. Mom did not tell me. Immediately I called mom, asking her how the situation was. Knowing the fact that grandpa wouldn’t stay long, I didn’t really have much to say. He is old. Dying is natural. I didn’t have much to say, I did not know how to comfort my mom.

Then mom asked if I was going to mass on Sunday. I wasn’t. I was going to go to church with Eric. I said no. As expected, she started confronting me. We have talked about the church issue before, this was just going to repeat that. I said let us not talk about that. She was angry.

After the phone call, I thought for a while, maybe she just wanted to have my company. Also I thought she would feel better if we go to church and have many people pray for grandpa. Then I called her again and said let us go to church together the next day.

Next day morning, when I was still in bed, she called me to pick her up earlier as she wanted to go to the local parish where we didn’t know anybody. So this Sunday was going to be between two of us, not sharing news to all others, not receiving greetings from any other. Then we went to church. After that, I went shopping with her for stuffs to bring back home. We had lunch at the crepe cafe which I wanted to try. We had the filling savory crepe and the yummy dessert crepe. We shared a cup of iced mocha. We enjoyed our lunch. We enjoyed the time we spend together without arguing.

Family is precious. We are family no matter what. However, there is a barrier between us. I am afraid of dealing with her confrontation. No matter how I explain to her my perspective, she does not accept if she does not agree. And she starts to confront. I hate confrontation. This is what keep us distanced. I feel sad about that.

We do not hate each other. We love each other. Loving someone in the heart but having difficulty to express it is painful. I am sure she feels the same way too.

I do not take care of her all the way. However, I always worry about her. I worry that something unfortunate would happen to her. With increasing crime rate around the city, I worry about her everytime I hear robbery from the news. Although I worry about her, I do not call her of visit her very often. It is because of the same reason. I feel bad. I know I should have done better, call her more often, make her happier, but there is the barrier before me.

She is going back to Hong Kong for a while, to take care of grandpa. I actually do miss her, as I remember the happy moments we shared. But I am happy for her too because I know she is much happier and safer at home than in this foreign land.

Take care, mom. One day we will come close again.